Today is the first day of February, and my first day of being unemployed. I am looking for jobs but it is tiring.  Sometimes the job search makes me question myself.  Knowing someone is so important, but my network is not really a fit for what I need now.  Jobs that I applied for early in the search and felt qualified for, now feel like I was over reaching.  Right now my dream job is anything for Barnes & Noble.  Okay yes I would still like to work in a library but there isn’t a lot of funding out there right now for such jobs.  I am applying all sorts of places but something near books would be the preference. Am I wasting my education (as some would say)?  I don’t think so.  I’ve learned a lot in my educational years.  More than anything I have learned a lot about myself.  Is that worth the price my parents paid?  You would have to ask them, but maybe wait until after I have found a next job.  I can’t go back and change it.  I don’t believe in destiny.  I don’t think I was meant to end up here.  I think that if I had looked for different internships in the summer of 2008 things could have gone completely differently.  Yet here I am.  I am grateful for this path because it brought me to reconnect with Ben, seeing as I don’t believe in destiny I’m pretty excited at the prospect of spending the rest of my life with him instead of being a crazy lady with too many dogs (that might still happen just with him in tow).  I try my hardest not to have regrets but that isn’t always easy. I’m scared.  More than I admit most of the time.  I developed a good facade of control while in undergrad.  I think it is perfectly reasonable that I am afraid.  I just keep going.  I’m sure I could apply to jobs faster but one of the things I learned about myself was I have to set my own pace.  I expect there are people that apply to as many jobs in a day as I do in a week.  This is my pace.  This is my balance.  Personally I find it hard to set rhythms in my life so when I find one I can maintain I try not to argue with it.  Sometimes I get frustrated because systems like LinkedIn want to pigeonhole me, I have to choose an industry for my profile but because of my transitory state I am looking at three or more different industries.  I’m glad for the fact that I have other projects.  I hope I can get some good things done while I am in limbo.

Most people in my life have never really had employment gaps or job searches so if you have any sage advice to offer let me know.

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